Samurai Abstinence Patrol - NSP

  • Published on: 10 May 2016
  • Buy the song (& album) here:
    Brandon Turner's channel:

    Written, composed, and performed by Ninja Sex Party (Dan Avidan & Brian Wecht)


    In the tall skyscrapers of ancient Japan
    Lived two great warriors, a dude and a man
    Who proclaimed "No sex until you are married!"
    They were Arin Neverbone and Samurai Barry

    500 years later two heroes were born
    One cloaked in blue spandex, the other in scorn
    They were Ninja Sex Party, they had but one quest
    To bring sex to the masses, cause that shit is the best!

    In a super hot orgy with ten girls and a mime
    Danny thrusted so hard he ripped a hole in spacetime
    Each hump could be seen in the ancient night sky
    Graphic shots of Dan's nuts were in healthy supply

    Arin and Barry knew they had to act fast
    They jumped through to the future cause they were dicks from the past
    They landed two feet from where Danny was rocking
    And screamed "It's your cock that we now will be blocking."

    Samurai Abstinence Patrol
    To control all our junk is their one true goal
    It's a battle for boners and rock and roll
    Ninja Brian will stab them in the soul (and the face)

    What could this mean for Ninja Sex Party?
    Will our heroes be stopped from their boning spree?
    And will Danny get first place in his spelling bee?
    The championship word is "nomenclature"

    N...O...C...FUCK IT!

    The orgy ground to a halt and they took it outside
    The girls just went home, the mime probably died
    Brian ran straight at Arin while Barry started screaming
    Could we really have a future in a world without creaming?

    All hell broke loose with the insane war cry
    Arin soared through the air, apparently he can fly
    Danny french kissed a girl like he was king of Versailles
    And Brian stabbed some random guy with a different guy

    The battle raged on 'til the city was wrecked
    But the two sides began to have mutual respect
    "Goddamn" Arin yelled "You must sure love to slam"
    "You don't even know!" said Danny "That shit is my jam!"

    An union was formed between both rival camps
    And they both started rocking using NSP's amps
    But the ceasefire ended, and the battle resumed
    Cause Danny whipped out his nuts and the alliance was doomed

    Samurai Abstinence Patrol
    Now their tale will be passed down in sacred scrolls
    They were voted "Most Douchey" in a recent poll
    Independently conducted by Danny and Brian

    Is the story over or has it just begun?
    Has the battle for boning been lost or won?
    The question is a deep and important one
    Just like how in God's name do you spell "nomenclature"?

  • Runtime : 3:11
  • game grumps music comedy nsp brandon turner attitude city


  • Ginny Willows
    Ginny Willows   3 days ago

    shoutout to barry for being the only known being to fight ninja brian to a standstill

  • Luigipotter16
    Luigipotter16   5 days ago

    0:20 There's a picture of Superpuma in the background.

  • Okuyasu
    Okuyasu   2 weeks ago

    this song only exits because of 2 big bangs

  • Taako From T.V.
    Taako From T.V.   1 months ago

    Still waiting to see if the battle for boning has been lost or won

  • Damien Gibson
    Damien Gibson   1 months ago

    Man those guys in starbomb are gonna be mad when they hear this

  • alienmeatfajitas
    alienmeatfajitas   1 months ago

    Man these songs hold up super well even after all these years

  • nogood 123
    nogood 123   2 months ago

    for some reason i have memories of seeing this years ago and being called samurai sex force

  • liam
    liam   2 months ago

    how the fuck do you spell nomenclature

  • I'm bad at games
    I'm bad at games   3 months ago

    I thought he said "Danny ripped out his nuts and the alliance resumed" this video gave me a whole new context and life is a lie

  • Master Class
    Master Class   4 months ago

    if danny kept his samurai abstinence he wouldn't be in hot shit right now

  • Christopher Bump
    Christopher Bump   4 months ago

    Were arin and Barry evil? It is not uncommon for elite samurai to be virgins, many were forced to remain virgin! Ninja had similar rules, so Brian to become involved in an orgy would be a violation of oath!

  • TheBeastDen365
    TheBeastDen365   4 months ago

    I have to agree it is literally impossible to spell that word

  • SyrupGoose
    SyrupGoose   4 months ago

    i can't tell if this is a joke or for real - either way, i like it

  • John Wehrle
    John Wehrle   4 months ago

    This classic battle between western and eastern values

  • John Wehrle
    John Wehrle   4 months ago

    Arin is from Florida, Japan and back in the decision it tells us that Ninja Brian is from Tokyo, New Jersey these are hilarious

  • WhitePudding
    WhitePudding   4 months ago

    Dan is just going absolutely nuts vocally with this one

  • Nillin
    Nillin   4 months ago

    I know it’s been a while but I would love to see the return of Samurai Abstinence Patrol.

  • Zekromium
    Zekromium   4 months ago

    I just got the joke about Ninja Sex Party vs Samurai Abstinence Patrol. I feel stupid

  • Tank49 BOOM
    Tank49 BOOM   5 months ago

    The part where it show s "the champion ship word is nomenclature" for the first time shows the judge saying such phrase weaning this entire song was sung by the judge

  • ScrewBall the Alien!
    ScrewBall the Alien!   6 months ago

    The Samurai Abstinence Patrol were not bad dudes. They were trying to save the world from normalized sexual addiction.

  • WebbedMann
    WebbedMann   6 months ago

    Background lyrics for those interested.OOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooOooOOOOOOOooOooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooOoOOOOOOOOO(Loop)

  • Darth Citharae
    Darth Citharae   6 months ago

    Being an adult is realising that Samurai Abstinence Patrol are right.

  • Link724
    Link724   6 months ago

    and a second place trophy from a local spelling bee.

  • Jake Jordan
    Jake Jordan   6 months ago

    I think my favorite all time NSP lyric is “And Brian stabbed some random guy with a different guy”

  • Mr Ferret
    Mr Ferret   6 months ago

    Dan: This is literally f**king impossible!Me: should of looked at the Subtitles!

  • Renegadebane
    Renegadebane   6 months ago

    Is this just downbeat ultimate battle of ultimate destiny?

  • Ashley
    Ashley   7 months ago

    I love how the opening with Arin and Barry referenced the video for "The Decision". Nice little detail!

  • Cringe. Just Cringe.
    Cringe. Just Cringe.   7 months ago

    Is nobody gonna talk about how Dans thumbs are drawn like how they are in reality.

  • krakowski_
    krakowski_   7 months ago

    Only on my 8th watch have I noticed this is so much like Ultimate Showdown.